Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy,
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.
i had a long marketing survey call from some diana about credit cards. i'm not a very good user. it seemed like they might have had my credit report and that they were actually from one of my credit companies, getting info from me.
yoga class with mistress veronica was easier. i think she lightened up on the time in the pushup up position. she's only been doing it for about a year. i should break out my old manual. one of the main reasons i didn't keep it up was that i thought it said i was supposed to rest for a couple minutes in corpse pose between each posture. and that made it take way long.
how brains make up their minds is pretty interesting. it does talk heavily about how brains use dynamical systems. it also takes a different perspective that materialists and the information processing view of the mind. instead of just taking in data and processing it, we start with an expectation of what is going to happen, the senses cause the dynamic state of the system to fall into a known pattern if something is recognized, or if something new happens, a new basin of attraction is added for the new sensation, and the old basins get shifted around. what is important is not particular neurons but 'populations' of neurons which can reach states of activation or oscillate. expectation, realization, learning. one neat thing was how important it is to have a constant low level of randomish noise. neurons need to get pulsed like every second or so to stay alive, but in addition, this means that the inhibitor neurons are able to cause activation to go below normal or negative, sort of. because it would naturally bounce back from the negative level, it becomes possible to have an oscillation. that's where the gamma 40Hz brain waves come from on EEGs. Freeman lists like 10 dynamical system principles that form the basis for mind function and intentionality. we have a lot of chaotic background stuff that helps us move into new states, and more generally makes us creative, but also makes our minds wander around like a crazy bee-stung monkey with st. vitus' dance (as i've heard it described in relation to how hard it is to meditate). the mechanism isn't too complicated really, and we have lots and lots of the basic material. lots of feedback and stuff for reliability.
santa claus. that down the chimney thing comes from how st. nicholas ("santa claus" is from a poor pronunciation and misspelling) dropped gold coins through the chimney of some poor people. it's not magical. it's very real. if people would talk about the real story, maybe they would think about how they could help, too. first, get your afairs in order, then help others. i still need to get my act together.
another temperance. big crowd. ike kullman came. he remembered me from before i moved and came back. lost of oldsters. bill nancy and dick, a couple of wives. dick brought his daughter. she asked me my sign. she's a sagittarius. there was a band that i stayed around to watch after everyone left. and there was this dark haired lady at the bar that was grooving in her seat and i could see she wanted to dance and i thought about going over there. dennis (ex-marine, now married to susan, who was there) actually did, and got her and her blonde friend dancing, but the blonde dropped out. later, the two ladies were dancing together, as happens too often.
i got my handgun carry permit. i need to get a gun to carry, and a carry system. and take some more of those classes. and practice.
i still have a lot of christmas shopping to do
i just got a bunch of stuff to read in the mail. magazines, discover sci am, skeptical inquirer, a stack of science, and a book- how brains make up their minds.
i feel horrible about work. so much wasted
so i apologized to aimee and she seemed nice and all, but really it's all broken.
at the ai meeting stan talked about an experiment about the attractiveness of faces. actually the theory is a lot more general, that the most successful traits are the average ones, since we all are descendents of successful breeders. in the specific example of womens faces, it turned out that the average face (using digital image averaging) also was the same as the most attractive (found by taking guys and a genetica algorithm face generating program), except two traits. the ideal woman has fuller lips and a less protruding jaw, traits that also correlate with fertility.
the playing by ear seems to be coming along
getting the christmas blues
i found my yak backwards pen. it has a message on it from some woman in a sultry voice "I don't want to", must be andrea
went hunting again with dave. i saw a deer driving up, but nothing when i was waiting for them.
the big christmas party on saturday. lots of people, and new people i didn't know. there was this one girl, kelly, really tall with long sort of reddish blond hair (i get it now. irish.) and glasses. thing for michael douglas. flew to LA to see the pet shop boys. needs a piano in january so she can learn "come sail away" for some styx concert at a casino coming up. cute enough to afford many quirks. she sat next to me to help me with my poem (there was a poem writing contest, you had to use 7 given obscure words). i asked her about herself. a gun person by association, knows tom wolfe, owner of rangemasters. no football. i asked her if she danced. (joey liked the boldness of that approach) nah. there wasn't any dancing at that party. boo. anyway, i shooed her away, telling her she should mingled. but she came back and sat down in that room again, though not next to me this time. so i went and sat next to her. she arranged to read someone else's poem that left. didn't talk to her any more after that.
i decided to try to get 5000 push-ups in. i'm shooting for 10 sets of 50 per day for 10 days, though my first day i only got 6 sets. my push ups aren't very good yet, but i'm hoping the will get better and i will be able to do more. aimee actually suggested it.
i went out with aimee to see fight club. i was surprised when she agreed to go at the last minute. like fifteen minutes before it started. i liked seeing her smile as she was watching it. she has a nice smile.
just barely could pay my bills this month. i need to go work with doug on some web stuff. i'm reading the o'riley book on web design. the weasel book. i finally learned about frames and forms, though i need to add some. maybe some form for comments.
read a book on intelligent agents with java. it has a cd-rom and some tools i need to try. plus with the servelet server going, i should be in business.
i found bruce a place to host his site for $5/month ($40 setup was pretty steep). with free ssl.