a ba'b'ian journal

old stuff
Half a league, half a league,
  Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns," he said:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.
"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldier knew
  Someone had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die;
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the six hundred.

  • June 25, 2000
they play "gold and rose" in the malco theater. it's pretty obscure jimi, but i guess it's light enough for general consumption. kind of musak-like and yet it is truly a psychedelic song. i supposed it's acid lite.

i'm pretty depressed now. or maybe i was just hungry. i get those confused. but i have been sleeping a lot today.

aimee isn't going to the boat race. man, i wanted to see her in a bikini.

ok, so i know i have a silly crush on aimee. it happens to me a lot. and actually it feels kind of nice and pining after someone unattainable keeps me from going out and facing real rejection, except that in this case i keep getting rejected over and over

don't suggest a second date at the end of a first date. she'll feel like she's got you if she wants you, which is enough to keep her satisfied. and there is that weird bit of psychology that if they know you are interested in them, they won't be interested in you.

some problems with science education, from the skeptical inquirer: the lab experiments are useless if you don't actually become a scientist, and they show everyone how results are never exactly correct and require fudging. there is no social context saying why certain questions were asked-- it's not stories which people will enjoy but dry facts. science is elitist-- only the brightest go into it, and the money gets put there, so people who are left out naturally have a negative attitude at being excluded. they naturally turn to alternatives and love it when someone says things that scientists disagree with (and that's sad). dude suggests that science education be more like sport education. everybody learns running, catching, and throwing when theyre little, and they see how reals sports are done and they do some of that. only a few become professionals, but we have a wide base of fans who can appreciate it and know what's involved, even though they don't do it themselves. i think the idea is to leave the real technical stuff out completely for those who don't need it. not trying to make everyone a beginning scientist but to make everyone at least a fan of science.

  • June 22, 2000
things could be better. but that doesn't mean we can't be happy about how things are now while trying to make them better.

i might be sad, but i don't think i'm really unhappy.

so i'm thinking why people talk so much. it seems like people only open up their mouths to complain. and it's really that when you do say something, there has to be some need to say something, something missing. something unsatifactory that needs to be dealt with. there is some bit of unhappiness to be dealt with. i just don't talk much, because i don't have anything to say. it's like the the kid who never said anything till he was twelve, then he said "food's cold" His parents were so relieved that he could actually speak and that he finally did that they cried tears of joy and there was much rejoicing. after they settled down they asked why he hadn't said anything before, and he said "it's been ok up till now."

i saw aimee at the fsm and wanted to ask her if she was going to be paddling in the boat race and if she was going up there for a practice run, but i ended up not saying much of anything to her. she seemed distant. or maybe just quiet (which i like). i think i do bug her. but i do need to know about the race. mike wants to go up there. he has a house up there.

i met a strange lady. she made me nervous.

  • June 18, 2000
war is more about male group obedience than male aggression. the boys don't want to let each other down.

play fighting is a courtship thing. kind of a juvenile activity that shows how young you are

shaving is to give guys a boyish appearance, because youth is more attractive.

i saw "shaft". it's a sequel. the new samuel jackson shaft is the nephew. the original richard roundtree shaft is in it. and has a coupla of chicks on his arm. the new shaft isn't quite the sex machine. but it is a great flick. kind of a dirty harry movie. and nobody is innocent.

i went bowling. i got like a 76 twice. when i try to throw it really hard it just doesn't go straight. maybe i should do it some more. lots of cute teeny boppers.

i slept too much yesterday. trying to recover emotionally by letting my brain mulch

  • June 13, 2000
i fell down in the shower this morning. ouch. i don't remember doing that before.

people were getting on to me about not finishing a program before moving on to the next. i do it so its more interesting. and they keep adding changes later anyway. because of some of the change i had to make, i changed some of the code to get ready for the next version. then i though of a fairly easy way to finish all the changes needed in that program for the version after this one, and spent some time finishing it out. and i would do some and there'd be a little bug i'd need to fix, so i'd fix that. but i think it's done. but it bothered me that john had lectured me, and a couple of other people got onto me about it. kind of bummed me out. especially from john, because i keep seeing stuff he does wrong. i was surprised, though to see that he has a certificate for management training.

i was already bummed because a while before aimee told me not to e-mail, and i went to dinner with one girl, but the next morning, when we were supposed to meet that evening, she called to cancel and said she only wanted to be friends.

i went to Heber Springs over the weekend to work on the cardboard boat. went up with Brad and Dial. met Kim and Trisha Ely. Kim does web design. he showed me a neat thing where you can create a panoramic quiktime movie by splicing together pictures. i need to do that.

i got an answering machine yesterday. $20. now i can screen out calls. i don't ever have to answer the phone anymore. i guess the only reason i might have was because my parents might need to talk to me. and then today i got two calls from headhunters.

  • June 4, 2000
not so happy. what was the name of that truck?

avery brooks talking about platforms for ibm.

i had a weird feeling. i have been spending time with my brother freddie and aunt hildegard. suddenly yesterday i had time to myself again and i just wasn't used to it.

i went into work saturday. i get the feeling that weekends are more disruptive than anything. but actually i didn't feel so productive. i wonder if 6 hours seven days a week would be better than 5 x 8

a got onto an erotic personal ads web thing, sort of like match.com but for swingers. seems like a lot of people are in it. but they don't seem to ever drop people. cute pictures of some of them naked too.

i saw Titus. it's based on the shakespeare play "titus andronicus" which was widely considered weak. it was a little grim, and very violent, but i think it works as a modern movie. it was done in a surreal way, and was kind of like that romeo and juilet version recently. i thought it was good. anthony hopkins. a little bit of cannibalism even.