a ba'b'ian journal

old stuff
He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win.
We drew a circle that took him in.
  • May 30, 2000
i'm really starting to think of myself as a long pig.

sixty minutes a while ago did a thing on some priest or bishop or something , i think he was evangelical, who denied the physical resurrection of jesus and blesses gay marriages and says that the ten commandments treat women as property. he questions the value of prayer. would god make someone suffer more because she couldn't get a lot of people to pray for her? the unexamined faith is not worth having.

i went to a baseball game where nathan was playing. daniel was getting these tickets for some raffle or something, and he asked me if i wanted one, and i said no, but my no wasn't good enough for him, so i said it was gambling, and he denied that it was gambling, and i said you want to earn things so you could be proud about it. and then daniel said that when you win, you earn it. i believe daniel's heart is becoming hard. yesterday he just went up and took a chair that nathan was carrying. it's already annoying the way daniel lies. anyway, i supposed the more important thing about gambling is that it adds little to your respect for yourself while it takes away from others. but it needs to be distinguished from taking risks. i do have a problem that i don't take risks. nothing ventured, nothing gained. but then again, if you need more, you must be lacking something. it sounds dangerous to keep yourself in a state of need. it doesn't sound very happy.

there are no accidents, according to siggy frood

  • May 29, 2000
went to the farm for memorial day. i broke out my dad's mountain bike, though the seat was really too low to ride well. rode pretty much around the place, and through some swamp. i felt a little lost. not fun. but afterwards, it seemed like it was fun. good exercise.

so we went towards the back of the property to see a bit of land that was up for sale. my parents offered to loan me money to buy it at its fairly low price, so i could borrow on a higher projected value based on prices in the area, and pay of the credit card debts. blech. i suppose it's a nice thought.

  • May 28, 2000
freddie and grace and aaron are in town. i'm kind of wishing i had my own time. and they hold hands and say grace at every meal. i feel like i'd rather fast.

we went to eddie's house for dinner. they think the dvd's that i gave them were from freddie. it was four or five of them. but they didn't like yellow submarine. couldn't get past the drug influence. wanted it to have a plot. i think i don't care about them anymore.

and i feel like i'm getting a cold or something.

there was an article claiming that an amateur could learn to produce biological weapons in a couple of weeks. i need to find some good instructions.

  • May 23, 2000
goodness, i need to spend more time writing here. i wasted a lot of time writing somewhere else, but i have an opportunity to quit that, so maybe i'll spend more time with this. actually, i have most of that other stuff, but it's pretty empty.

so i need to improve believing that people know what they are talking about. often i tend to not listen very clearly, guessing that they don't really get it.

trust is about expecting people to do what they think is best. often a person might think of trust as other people doing what he wants, but people have their own agendas, and this belief will be dissappointing. you really have to make sure people want what you want.

you can make a lot more money by changing jobs in big companies and getting more money each time you change.

  • May 14, 2000
the old inflected languages like greek and latin often had endings that were the same, such that there might be ambiguity as to what is being said. (john s at work mentioned some quote from homer that i think was the one told by the guy that helped the trojan horse get in the gate). anyway, i bet that this ambiguity in the grammar entered the language just so that it would be possible to be misleading like that. (robert mentioned something about subjective and objective genitive, but maybe the greeks couldn't distinguish it by syntax, only grammarians eg, in 'the killing of the king' the king would be in genitive, but is it that the king is killed, or does the king do the killing.

eight things women want from a man: 1) power and leadership, 2) what she can't have, 3) what other women find attractive, 4) affirmation of powers of seduction, 5) something different, 6) romance, 7) sensuality/sexuality, 8) good sex (not just any sex like men)

i read _the great deception: what jesus really said and did_. it was written by a german theologian, who dedicated his life to studying christianity, but eventually felt that he had to give it up from what he found. through use of literary critical analysis, he worked out some plausible theories about what jesus really said and what was put into his mouth by the early church, using various criteria. for example, if the words are really about some problem faced by the early church, jesus didn't really say it. anti-jewish stuff wouldn't have come from jesus, but would have come from the church, who later had come into conflict with the resisting jews. he didn't break the laws of nature. he was a traveling exorcist and preacher who thought the world was literally about to end. (the church had to deal with the fact that it hadn't ended yet (still hasn't), so they had to add reinterpretations of that message ). in the beatitudes, the poor and weak were blessed not because it's good to be poor and weak and whatever, but because the world was about to end and they were about to be saved. lots of wishful stuff got stuck in, but it's not true, and lies are just a bad thing to base a religion on.

  • May 11, 2000
john handled the thing with the constants really smoothly considering how angry robert seemed. and robert was in a bad mood today. he was saying how he hates computers. his education is in philosophy, and before this he was a teacher of said.

i got a pile of books from steel balls press. their service was amazing. i think it took maybe three days to go from order to books in hand. i placed an order with amazon at the same time, it's like 5 days later and they have just shipped (ups). the books from them, though aren't all that great. r don seems to reuse a lot of material. but what's in them is quite good. and i think it has inspired me to exercise. his plan is 30 minutes every day for 90 days no excuse, them maybe 6 d/w for a while then 4 or 5 forever. one book that wasn't by him is called a man's guide to women, and it claims to explain women (!) i might become dangerous.

i went bike riding with bruce on wednesday morning at 5:20 (ick). to germantown and back (maybe 4 miles one way). i slowed them down, but i was on a mountain bike, and they have touring bikes. maybe i'll get a better one.

i finally got bag gloves, so maybe i'll hit the bag more.

crime is down. but with media coverage it is more salient or noticeable. people think it is worse because they hear more terrible things. school violence is down, but you hear about things like columbine and think it's terrible. there have been a lot more states allowing concealed carry. i wonder if the crime statistics count crimes that get stopped because the intended perpetrator is shot.

so in the news there is a story about a guy who swims out to save a girl who has a lifepreserver, takes that away (he says he thought he was in trouble, cramping or something), swims to shore (he said he told her he would come back), but by then she is lost. it is a sad story, and it sounds like he panicked. i can at least have some sympathy for him, and of course it's terrible for the girl and her family. they charge him with murder, and yes he did clearly cause her to die when she might have made it. but it's sad because you could see that he wanted to help her, but messed up. i was disturbed that john just thought he was terrible and should be executed. i could see that point of view too. i don't know. i wish things had been different. and we need to learn.

  • May 6, 2000
i think john took some constants out of one file, thinking i had put them there, but actually robert put them there, and maybe robert was using them so it might break him.

i really need to leave work at work, but some of the emotional stuff keeps coming up.

i have just been sitting here wasting minutes

  • May 5, 2000
Happy Cinco de Mayo

¿quanto la niña?

i saw _gladiator_. i didn't think it was all that great. not enough gore for me. i didn't think it very believable, either.

so i'm working on reports. and john gives the most difficult program so far to the new girl. and he's been saying how he doesn't like my code. but i get the feeling that i know more java than most of them, if not all of them.

the voyager episode fury had kess return to seek revenge on the crew for abandoning her, and taking her away from her home. she had ascended to being a powerful energy being, but her life after voyager was confusing and not so pleasant.

loompanics has a web site, as does R Don Steele's publisher, which makes some interesting dating books. dude is 58 dating 20 somethings