a ba'b'ian journal

old stuff
Should I get married? Should I be good?
Astound the girl next door with my velvet suit and faustus hood?
Don't take her to movies but to cemeteries
tell all about werewolf bathtubs and forked clarinets
then desire her and kiss her and all the preliminaries
and she going just so far and I understanding why
not getting angry saying You must feel! It's beautiful to feel!
Instead take her in my arms lean against an old crooked tombstone
and woo her the entire night the constellations in the sky--

saw star wars. lots of visual effects. the characters weren't so charming, they were even a little cold, but they gave a cool explanation of the working of the jedi and what the force really is. there are these little microscopic symbionts (like nanites i'm guessing) and jedi are just in turn with them and used them to understand stuff. it seems like they through in that "force" mumbo-jumbo to fool the uninitiated. and the jedi seem to have a kind of non-interference directive, like on star trek, though there duty is to preserve justice. the killing in the movie is mostly restricted to chopping up robots, which are silly anthropomorphic ones with bad voice synthesizers. the good guys are not all that good, and the bad guys aren't all that bad. a lot of the movie is just to set up the other movies, it seems like. there is a city planet, stolen from asimov's foundation trilogy trantor. and there is a mysterious virgin birth and talk of prophesies of a chosen one. somehow the queen has commando training, but she's no princess leia. i don't know. it's not as good as the others. i'll probably see it again but maybe not more than twice. it a shame that those theaters had to have contracts to keep it showing for three months or whatever

i'm getting tired of working for bruce. i need to find a new place, with people i can learn from.

and i'm gwanna meet with a person from the intp newgroup tomorrow. and old person. trippish.

i feel a little better about the austerity of my life

somebody on the intp list mentioned May 16, 1999 not much happened at d&d on saturday. knocked over some guy's drink, one guy said i should pay for it, and i tried, but the guy was nice about it and said if i knocked it over, he didn't need it.

been talking to a nice woman named ELise. sexy, funny, smart.

saw _a midsummer night's dream_. excellent, but you expect that from shakespeare. a little trouble with the language, though, and they didn't really seem like shakespearean actors. set in victorian days. there was mudwrestling. kevin kline showed how good you need to be to play a bad actor, and there was an amazing scene for about a minute in the play withing the play where the actor (male) playing a woman (tristan) laments over her love pyramus (played comically by kline). it is especially interesting because we have the classic really bad dying scene with kline (breaking character and so forth), just before a rip it out, go for it acting by the other guy. lots of imps and fairies and nymphs and such.

went out and tried to take photographs, but couldn't find a good location or anything good to take of. some flags, a train. i was at park place mall, and as i was there, a couple of police cars showed up. i hope they weren't checking up on me.

and yes, i finally printed out a grid on plastic for studying persepctive. and a grid on paper to copy to. eventually i can graduate to not using the grid to draw on, and to using the grid to look through at real objects, but just doing this was damn difficult. i really need to practice. the subject i was using was one of my hooters playing cards. the jack of diamonds, in this case. i think drawing women is a good way to get into it, because it is rather fun. and you can really tell that there is something completely different about the way we see faces, because that is really a lot harder. we are very sensitive to shapes and shading, and it just seems like a totally different thing.

i'm having a little trouble sleeping these days, probably from staying up too late on friday and saturday. it messes up my cycle. whatcha gonna do?

i washed dishes and cleaned my room a little, so i must have been in a good mood.

i need to set up a static link that can be updated to point to my home site with a dynamic ip. for use with cable modems or whatever. a script that will update the static page to the current dynamic address on logic. and potentially, multiple locations could link to it.

a totally new one. there was a bachlorette party at d&d and the bride to be asked me to dance with her. which i did, sort of. you can't deny a holy person like a bride. and she asked me to dance with her friend, but her friend didn't seem so into it. i asked the friend how long she knew the b2b and she said since 2nd grade. i can't get in there. the b2b came up to me and said she was sorry for something ( i certainly didn't here or get it ) and i just told her congratulations and shook her hand. i was a little out of it.

the fascists said i couldn't sit on the speakers.

meow. some nice girls out there.

and extra week to work on the project. funny how that is.

grr. i know there is stuff i'm forgetting. when i had my palmtop, i could just write it whenever i thought about it. i need to get something again. grr.

i went and saw entrapment. it just wasn't that good. lots of non-believable stuff. they tested for a "millenium bug" on new years eve. yeah, that's gonna help.

and i found those cables for sale. though they were only slightly cheaper than buying a whole new card.

it looks like i might be staying on freddie's boat. i need to find out where it's sitting.

wow. i just found out that freddie met grace on match.com

doug said he didn't like using modules, such as the library for perl. he has plenty of time to change, i guess. good luck to getting work.

more personality testing. i'm not a type A, more easy going. my locus of personality is pretty medium, though on the poor side. i'm pretty seriously depressed. but that's not news.

things are pretty complicated, but they can be unraveled if you have enough patience and don't give up too easily.

there's this regular at denim & diamonds, with light brown hair and little bit of an overbite. a little bit wild but energetic. mostly just shakes her this and likes to be looked at. wears really short dresses. was rubbing her bottom up against her friend's. seemed to be showing off her (black) panties a whole lot more tonight. i didn't dance with anyone, but something trippingly weird happened: i was in the country part of it, and some guy came up to me and asked me to dance with his girl because he didn't know how. i didn't either, but i had to feel for the guy. that must have been rough.

i broke off the darn connector on the pc-card modem again. it only lasted three days this time. i need to just buy the connector this time, maybe a few of them. grr.

i got quake to work over my home network, though i had to use ipx instead of tcp/ip. for some reason the laptop won't run q95, crashing with a sigsegv fault. boo hoo. but i did try it out, and had two little marines going. i am not skilled enough, and the controls were too hard to play a successful game controlling two guys. but maybe i'll play with the nephews, or they can play together.

doug is getting a job at promus, but wants $60/hour. they are almost ready to give that to him, though their counter offer is $50, and doug probably would accept it. i should try to find a better job, i guess, where i can help people more. first i need to install a network database system with web server. i know stuff that is useless, though. and not enough of the good stuff.

today was a bad day. in spring it's always worse. some of the worst times of my life were in spring. and some of the other seasons.

i'm not too happy with doug right now. we were working on a project with deadline on tuesday, and he decides skip meetings to arrange for the job, and basically bail on the thing, while somehow talking like he is still doing stuff. right now i think he's just a liar. and his lie about making $75/hour helped get me to move from california, which i see is a real mistake. maybe. i did get to take a pattern recognition class finally, and i'm forced, i think, now to give up on school and find a real job. i'm just emotionally slow.

just finished surely you're joking, mr. feynmann. he seems like a real selfish jerk.

i am no scientist

finally returned a book i borrowed from dr. wilson. and i dropped by the cog sci lab, but they were having some kind of meeting. i think i made shannon look up for half a second.

grace works at globalstar

i just got various books on explosives. i need to keep up. poor man's TNT is kind of a waste, describing how to make guncotton, but somehow assuming that we can get nitric acid. i sure don't know where. Sulfuric acid, on the other hand, gets sold as drain cleaner sometimes. And i have made guncotton with sulfuric, some nitrate (maybe saltpetre), and paper. At least i think i did. Ragnar's new and improved c-4 is an update to a book i have. they really have nothing to do with c-4, the original recipe being ammonium nitrate+nitromethane+aluminum powder. i still have yet to crank up the forge and make aluminum powder (by melting it, pouring it, and hitting it with air to make a spray so it settles as a powder (actually, i don't know if it would work, but that's roughly the industrial process of getting atomized aluminum)). This new book is some recipes so you don't have to hunt down nitromethane and aluminum powder (which are pretty tough, actually). Potassium chlorate+vaseline; calcium hypochlorite (pool cleaner)+naptha. And i got a book about pipe bombs, with various firing mechanisms. nothing really new, i guess.

i took an emotional iq test and did really bad. like a 75 or 85. the average is 100 with std dev 15. but it seemed to test some things like what bad habits you have. and how much experience you have, unlike iq which isn't supposed to change with experience. anyway, maybe i should do stuff about it.

mysteriously, my skill at freecell has come back. it's weird the way the old noodle works.

final exam today for pattern recognition. it kind of sucked, and i left blank the question about feature reduction using the fischer discriminant function. but it's over. i'm free again.

i'm still waffling about driving my car back. i guess i should just give up on it. but i still need to get the title and have it hauled away.

the dow went over 11000. and it's up from 10000 in just over a month. that's a 10% gain in a month. some people are doing pretty well. not me, of course. i wonder if this means i'm doing worse off. it does mean that since some people have more money, they have more power to control my life.

gillian anderson (that scully actress) has freckles. but they use heavy cake makeup to cover them up. i love freckles. it's a shame.

man, i really need to cash in on this whole computer thing, before y2k and it all comes crashing down.


i just don't dance well i guess. it happened again. some cute girl comes up and and dances. she's a regular, named elizabeth and asked me my name. but after a couple of songs, she said she's leave me alone. maybe i'm not aggressive enough and don't seem interested. And it seemed like a couple times some girls were sneakin up on me, but flitted away when i turned around. they don't seem so hateful now, somehow.

what a lazy day today. it seems like not getting the newspaper anymore threw off my whole rhythm

i wonder how bad cheese mold is for you.

i ordered some ethernet stuff so i can finally get a home network going and learn about web serving and all that stuff i should be doing at work. and linux networking. java servlets. i wonder if my isp lets me do servelets. i might just have to stick with cgi, but at least it would be something. i really need to get this journal in a more sophisticated for than just static pages. some indexing and search and interactive content. it's getting hard to remember which poems i've used too.

oh frabjous day, callooh callay

and i got on the intp mailing list again. i must be deperate to want that stream of silly gibberish. but they are my people and i love them.

just a thought on how to do an index. according to information theory, a symbol (eg. a word) contains the most information if it is unlikely. i could then just put all the words in the index that have a low occurrence. the algorithm, basically is to count all the words, sort, and take the ones with occurrence less that the threshold. it might also capture misspellings, so they might need to be weeded out as well. or they could just be fixed. and of course, i need to keep the info about which day and month. i need an rdbms, too. what would be really cool, too is if things that are indexed would have links to previous occurences. but indexing uses synonyms and semantics, so basic text matching isn't all that great, as we know from search engines. grr. i remember somebody telling me about some hack that gives the gist of some text. did something like that and sounded terrible to me, but they were happy with the results. al lot can be done with simple, stupid methods. actually, yeah, come to think of it, the society of mind ideas is that we have lots of simple modules, with different ways of doing the same thing, such that usually on of them will work. lots of backup plans.

i'm getting into the bad habit of using inappropriate apostrophes

the front quotation is from "Marriage" by gregory corso, one of the beat poets. it is really good, and i just love the beats in general, did i mention that one time some cutie in college at a party compared me to jack kerouac i really missed a chance there. i want to quote the whole thing, but it's 112 lines long. "There are unfavorable omens in the sky!". i guess i still have time in the month to do it.